


One Last Time

by TheSkyCallsToUs



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Chapter 123, Drinking, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Sad, Shingeki no Kyojin Chapter 123: Island Devils Spoilers, Slow Burn, canon compliant sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23970145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSkyCallsToUs/pseuds/TheSkyCallsToUs
Summary: What if Chapter 123 went a little deeper?Eren struggles to cope with the path set before him. So much so, he considers throwing it all away for a single moment.Two-Shot of Eren and Mikasa delving into a deeper understanding of one another. There are a few parts taken directly from the manga and used to develop context so I included spoiler tags but I'll throw it here:MANGA SPOILERS UP THROUGH CHAPTER 123I own nothing related to Shingeki No Kyojin/Attack on Titan. All characters and existing story themes are property of Hajime Isayama.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 16
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1 - Vanilla, Hibiscus, Honey

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! This is my first SnK/AoT fic ever and my first story on AO3. I'm pretty nervous posting it as I'm not the most confident in my writing at the moment but if you like what you read maybe drop a comment or two or some constructive feedback! I'm always trying to improve. Italics represent thoughts or internal flashbacks.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! I have the next chapter almost ready and I'll be editing and uploading it ASAP.
> 
> Also, I want to consider writing a pretty lengthy AU but consider this story as me testing the waters. Seeing if I have the capacity to crank out a larger story and whatnot.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.
> 
> P.S. My heart aches when I write these two. 😭
> 
> -Sky

**H** is words resonated through her ears like the piercing wail of a high caliber bullet.

“The outside world is so vast. Even though…”

That phrase settled into the core of her thoughts.

He’d never been this bleak before he was able to relive his father’s memories.

 _What else has he seen? What is he not telling me?_ She thought to herself.

She couldn’t shake the fact that there was a major detail he concealed regarding Grisha’s memories of Marley. He was never good at hiding anything, and often times she’d figure it out and blab his secrets anyway purely out of worry for him. Sure, it was a selfish tactic, but it worked and she firmly believed in the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mantra.

Despite his improved emotional control, there was still very little he could hide from her. Maybe it was just because they’d spent the better part of a decade together. Maybe it was because she knew him better than himself. Maybe it was because…

_No._

She shook the thought.

Now’s not the time to cloud herself with these things. They came here for something far more important than the two of them and he made her promise to see that clear as day. Still though, she couldn’t help but dwell on it.

 _Even though- what, Eren? Even though- what? What’re you keeping from me?_ She tried to repress her inner voice from repeating that phrase but it pumped into her mind faster than blood to her brain.

They walked along the street adjacent to the pier, trying to keep up with the rest of the group. The muffled screams of the whole team coaxing them to keep up seemed to fade into the background, blending with the white noise of urban activity.

She couldn’t keep her eyes off him. A wave of concern wash over her as she studied his blank expression. Perhaps she hadn’t noticed it until now or perhaps she didn’t want to, but Eren didn’t seem like himself. He used to wear his emotions on his sleeve. His most prominent trait was his animosity and he was the first to let anyone know it. However, she hadn’t seen him overreact, lash out or even show any indication of interest towards anything in quite some time. Whether it be Jean poking fun at him or Levi getting on his case about the squad house being clean, there was just nothing. Those glossy aqua-emerald eyes she’d come to know so well seemed opaque; hollowed out.

“Will you both pick up the pace?” a voice in front of them remarked harshly. Seems Captain Levi caught on to their inadvertent separation to the group. “How many times do we have to tell you to stay with the group, you morons?”

“Sorry. We’re coming.” Mikasa mumbled as she grabbed Eren’s jacket cuff and pulled him behind her. They caught up to the group just as the rest of them made a break for it, Levi hoisting a small child like a running back diving for the endzone on 4th and goal from the 1.

* * *

**M** ikasa wearily wandered outside the Azumabito estate. She wasn’t sure where she was going or why she trekked in the direction she did, she just knew she had to find him. The extent of the pit developing in her stomach increased with each step she took and her heart rate started to accelerate well above her resting point. It’s not like they were in any immediate danger so why was she acting this way? What provoked this strange panic?

These questions were not helping so she abandoned that train of thought and continued to walk past the estate grounds. They weren’t too far from the dock and the harbor and she could still smell the saline breeze carrying through the air. She stopped for a moment to revel in it.

They were really here. Everything they’ve set out to do from the beginning was finally on the cusp of their fingertips. Mikasa took a moment to think about all the lives that had to be sacrificed to get here. They made it because of their fallen comrades. And yet, everything felt hazy. As if only part of her was able to experience the true unfathomable wonders they’d come across over the past 6 hours and the rest of her was stuck; trapped back in Paradis unable to get up from the cold wooden floor she’d grown so familiar with.

She had no idea how long she’d been walking but she considered that it couldn’t have been far because as she turned her head, she found Mrs. Kiyomi’s estate well within eyeshot. She continued down the sidewalk until she came to a large field spreading far into the night horizon. It was illuminated in candlelight and campfires and large canopy tents lay side by side, aligned in some sort of grid formation. It reminded her of how the Scouts would set up camp on overnight expeditions but there was something different about these tents. They looked like they’d been held in place for decades. Some of the tent fabric was patchy and worn, and the stakes were wedged deep into the ground, as if they were going to remain there for an extended duration of time. She continued ahead until she stopped about half way up a small hill.

There. Standing just about three meters away from her was a slender yet built young man with his back turned to her. Mikasa watched effervescently, her eyes glossed over in curiosity as his hair frayed freely past his collar in the sea breeze.

“Wow it’s so long now.” she mused to herself.

He must have heard her approach behind him but he didn’t budge. She grew nervous. What if it was someone trying to get the drop on him? He never used to drop his guard like this but now…ever since they left for Marley… he was so spaced out all the time it was like he didn’t WANT to be alert. She snapped out of her daze and approached him with thumping footsteps. She hoped he’d notice.

“Eren? Everyone’s been searching for you. Don’t you know that you’re the enemy’s prime target?” she asked firmly.

**H** e stared intently across the field, his eyes stinging from the mix of the ocean gusts and the burning salt of his own tears. He couldn’t help but let them flow down his cheeks. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like and, in a way, he missed it. He missed being able to feel the way he wanted to. He missed his expressive and outwardly emotional nature. He missed the ignorance of his former self.

**He didn’t ask for this.**

His lips pursed staunchly as he stifled a sob. He wanted to let the waterworks flow like cascading rapids, but he knew if he let himself feel too much, he’d complicate everything for himself. Keeping his emotions at bay was the only way to keep him on the straight and narrow. After all, there was only one path to follow and any divergence wasn’t an option. He knew what was coming and though he hadn’t made his peace with it, he accepted that it was the only way. But God, he wished it wasn’t. God how he wished.

The wind spiraled around him again bringing a heavy dose of reality with it. It wasn’t the ocean salt and burning wood this time, nor the plethora of new scents he’s experienced in the half a day he’s been here. No, this was familiar. More than familiar it was intoxicating. Hibiscus, vanilla, and a subtle hint of honey perforated through his nose and into his very soul. His eyes grew wide and the lump in his throat returned. He took a wavering breath and slowly let his eyelids drop, heavy as anchors in the sea.

The tears began to rain down again, a steady stream of his own brand of saltwater staining the profile of his face. No sobs this time, just the constant current of his heart begging and pleading for him to change course.

Eren knew what that scent was. He’d known it since they graduated the Cadet Corps and were able to shop for themselves again. Combined with the natural sweetness of her own aroma, it was enchanting. How he wished to get lost in it again like he used to when she’d carry him kicking and screaming out of an altercation or when she’d take whatever he was carrying so he wouldn’t have to. He didn’t know at that time how much he’d come to crave it, but he sure knew now.

His eyelids clenched tighter now, the veins in his forehead popping out through his skin as he tried to block every thought of her spellbinding fragrance.

She spoke.

“Eren? Everyone’s been searching for you. Don’t you know that you’re the enemy’s prime target?”

It all came crashing back down. He wiped his face with his sleeve as she waited for a response. He couldn’t muster up a word so he just stood there silent.

* * *

**“A** ll of our freedom…was stolen from us.” She heard him continue softly.

She remained rooted in place and looked towards the refugee settlement, desperately trying to understand why it is he came here of all places. She glanced at him but quickly averted her gaze the moment his head pivoted toward her. She could feel his swirling jade eyes bore holes into her own as they shimmered in the firelight. She looked straight ahead, her heart racing faster than the cord snapback on her ODM gear.

“Mikasa…”

Her chest fluttered when he spoke her name. She was flushed, flustered and frustrated. Why was she getting butterflies at a time like this? What was happening?

“Why do you…” Eren hesitated for a moment before finishing his thought. “Why do you concern yourself so much with me?”

Mikasa froze. Her heart dropped into her stomach as she felt the acid burning away at its edges. She was so taken aback by what he said, all she could muster was a simple “Huh?”

She wanted to sit down but she was petrified. The blood rushed through her veins at an alarming rate but seemed to miss her brain because she began to feel woozy, like she could collapse at any moment. Her eyelids felt like two-ton bricks and the ground beneath her began to spin.

He spoke again.

“Is it because you were saved by me as a child? Or…” once again he paused. It felt like a full eternity before he completed his question.

“Huh?” she breathed.

“…Or is it because I’m family?” he sighed. His tone threw her off. He sounded desperate. Frantic even. He looked like a lost puppy searching for anyone to pick him up and take him home.

“Huh?” she just couldn’t express anything else. Her tongue was tied in a full suite of knots and she didn’t even begin to know how to untangle it.

 _Why is he asking this? Why now? Why the fuck can’t I respond?_ Her head twisted as these thoughts spiraled around her skull like planets in orbit.

“What am I to you?”

* * *

**E** ren flinched at himself. Now? He picked now to come forward with this? After all this time, all the ample chances and opportunities to come forward with this and yet he picked now. Right as he was looking at a future he can’t come back from. Had he chosen to do this earlier, maybe something could have changed. Maybe he would’ve gone the way of his father and tried to live a life of love and peace with the only one he could imagine doing so with.

_Of course._

He let the thought sink in. Of course, he waited until now. He needed it to be too late. He needed to make sure nothing would alter the course he set himself on for the sake of his people. He needed to make sure that no matter what her answer was, it wouldn’t change anything. The end was coming regardless of the outcome.

None of that changed the pang of apprehension that hit his sternum. He could feel his veins coursing with scalding blood, scorching and getting hotter by the second. Maybe that was his titan blood doing some funky shit but he didn’t think so. He realized he’d caught her off guard but the ship has sailed so he followed through. No turning back now.

“What am I to you?” he repeated. Each millisecond of silence that passed between them was like trying to remove a splinter with a butter knife. His head used the time distortion to flood his mind with old memories, each one flying by at light speed.

One in particular stuck out, though.

* * *

_It was just about 4:00 AM, the morning after the rescue mission to retrieve him from Bertolt, Reiner and Ymir. Eren had all but healed from his wounds as he slept on the uncomfortably jagged wooden bench in the lobby of the temp hospital back within Wall Rose. They were using an abandoned city official hall as overflow to adequately care for the sheer number of injured citizens. He felt the arm rest dig into his collarbone as his head lay against it, fists clenched and tense. He woke with a stir when one of the medical assistants nudged his shoulder._

_“Mr. Yeager I would really advise returning to your barracks and sleeping in a proper bed” she explained._

_“I’m good thanks, can I see her yet?” Eren retorted._

_“Remind me again, who it is you wish to visit?”_

_“Sorry, uh Mikasa. Mikasa Ackerman.”_

_“Ah right. As far as I know, she’s in recovery at the moment and resting but I don’t suppose you’re going to take no for an answer.” The MA said dryly. “If I recall correctly, she’s got a broken fibula, 3 broken ribs and a severe concussion. That is not a light injury load. Do not wake her and do not make her over exert in any way shape or form. Are we clear on that?” she stated decisively._

_“Crystal!” he shouted as he ran off into the temp hospital._

_“Wait!” she called. “You don’t know what room she’s in!”_

_He paused and turned his head, poking his ear towards her direction. Silence. “Well?!” he exclaimed._

_She sighed. “858!” she countered his tone. “And keep your voice down, it’s the middle of the night!” she added, but he was long gone, disappearing down the empty corridor._

_Eren scanned the numbers on each door. The rooms with patients in them had their doors fully shut but the open ones were completely discernable. They looked like office rooms but each one had a bed and some medical equipment strewn about in various corners. The small brass placards on the front of each door glowed in his candlelight. 852, 854, 856…there it was. 858. His heart stuttered a moment before he knocked gingerly and opened the door. He wondered if it was because he’s sneaking in and she might kill him, but he’s walked in on her sleeping dozens of times so why now? He shook his head and moved forward, stepping gently into the room. The floorboards creaked softly as his boot collided with the woodgrain. He tip-toed to the side of her rollaway bed and stood there absorbing the image before him. He shuddered with guilt as he gazed at her. Sleep had overtaken her, but it was an uncomfortable sleep. A painful, restless slumber. He grabbed the stool in the corner of the room and brought it to her bedside._

_Carefully he sat, letting out an exasperated sigh and hanging his head low._

_“This is all my fault. Once again, you’re in a difficult position because of me.” He whispered._

_Mikasa stirred and tried to shift in her sleep but in doing so, let out a sharp grunt as the pain shot through her body. Her eyelids crunched tight as she winced in agony. Eren, not knowing what else to do, grabbed her hand. In the moment he hadn’t realized what he’d done and looked down to see his palm over the back of her hand, his fingers wrapped around to her palm. He blushed feverishly and swallowed hard. Why was this happening? What compelled him to do this, and why can’t he pull away? He didn’t like this foreign, uneasy feeling but he didn’t want it to stop. It was as if his heart could power his steam engine. He was relieved the only available light was his candle and the moonlight so she, or anyone else for that matter, wouldn’t see him blushing._

_She seemed to settle so he delicately tried to pull his hand away when something clamped down on it with force. He let out a small yelp before glancing down at his injured comrade. Her hand wrapped around his fingers like a snake coiling its prey. It was airtight and he gave in as he figured there’s no way to get out of an Ackerman vice grip._

_Eren chuckled softly, once again lamenting their strength gaps._

_He’d been a fool. All this time, all he wanted was to be the best; to be someone who was invincible. He hated that things that came naturally to others didn’t come to him. And he hated the others for it._

_He thought about how much better off the team would be if they didn’t have to swoop in and rescue him a thousand times. He thought about how if he’d just listened to his mother and gave up the Scout dream, she might still be here. He thought about every single time he’d shown unnecessary aggression towards anyone because they could excel at something he didn’t._

_He looked down again. There lay the person who took the brunt of it all with open arms and never once let go. The one who bore the full force of his ire and for what? For caring about him? He silently punched his free hand against his thigh. She didn’t deserve any of that. In fact, she deserved quite the opposite and he cursed himself for not having seen that before. He cursed himself for not having seen HER before. All she did was follow him unconditionally. The person that would sacrifice everything just to see him succeed. The person that saved him no matter how many times he pleaded for her not to._

_“I’m so sorry, Mikasa.” He choked out. The lump in his throat bloomed and tears began to well up under his eyes._

_Mikasa shifted her head towards his direction and breathed softly. “You saved me again. That’s my job.” She mumbled._

_“Huh?” Eren asked curiously, his eyes wide with surprise._

_He was met with quiet snores and soft moans as she tried to sleep through the pain. Her hand was still firmly grasping his own and he dare not move it. He smiled warmly and gripped her hand with matching intensity._

_“Actually, it was you who saved me yet again. Just like you do every time.”_

_Her mouth was hanging slightly ajar and her hair was getting dangerously close to falling into it. Using his other hand, he motioned towards her face and tenderly slid that tuft of midnight black hair behind her ear. Eren looked at her again. He really looked at her. It was like he was seeing her for the first time. She was vastly different than the scared little girl he’d met so many years ago._

_“When did she get so…easy to look at?” he thought. He envisioned Jean smacking him upside the head for thinking that. Those weren’t the right words, but he couldn’t figure out a way to describe what he was feeling. He liked how her nose perked up against her face. He liked how the pink hue of her lips contrasted against the fairness of her cheeks like stargazer lilies. He couldn’t help but stare, admiring the curvature of her neck meshing into her collarbone._

_“You're beautiful.” He muttered under his breath._

_Mikasa moved again, turning over to her side and reaching toward the small table where the candle flickered dimly. Her arm extended fully as she stretched forward scanning the table with her fingers. She was patting it gently, reaching for something. Afraid her hand would land on top of the candle, he stopped her and asked what she was looking for._

_“What is it, Mikasa, what’s up?” he questioned._

_“Mmh. Scarf. Where-” her groggy voice trailed off._

_Eren heaved an amused sigh before reaching for the neatly folded red muffler settled on the corner of the table._

_“Here you go.” He placed the scarf in her open hand as she gripped it violently and brought it snug against her face. Her brows furrowed for a moment before her entire being relaxed._

_“Hmmh.” she murmured sheepishly. She seemed satisfied._

_Eren ultimately concluded that he’d stay there for the rest of the night. He really did try to fall asleep on that stool adjacent to the bed and get a little rest but he just couldn’t take his eyes off her. He didn’t want to._

* * *

“ **U** m…” Mikasa hesitated. The butterflies in her stomach were full on vibrating at this point. “You are…family.” She finally managed to cough the words out. It was almost as if they were framed as a question. _You are…family?_ It was like she didn’t know how to answer and needed to say something. She felt the sting of the lies as they left her tongue but she couldn’t stop them from being spoken. Her breathing was shallow and her face went beet red. Honestly, she didn’t know if she was even a functioning human being at this point. She caught Eren’s eyes and faltered with realization. She could reach into the confines of his soul and pull out exactly what he was feeling: Absolute pain, crushing inevitability, emptiness. She cursed herself for blurting out such a fallacy as “family” but the deed was done.

No, she had to say something.

It wasn’t too late, and she just needed him to stop giving her that look; it hurt too much.

“Er—!" Right as she began, they were interrupted by a sweet old man in a velvet fez offering them two warm beverages.

“They seem to be welcoming us.” Eren said matter-of-factly.

“Huh?” Mikasa still couldn’t think straight.

“Hey!” a whiny shout came from the distance. Mikasa, Eren and turned around to see Armin and the others finally making their way to them.

“What the hell are you doing, Eren?” Jean scolded.

“Are you stupid?” Connie shot.

Mikasa looked at them and then back at Eren. His face seem to be sliding off his head, it was so low.

“Perfect timing.” Eren scoffed.

“Huh?” She said yet again. This time she was alone as Eren had already began to follow the old man towards his tent. He beckoned for the others with a hand.

Flustered and confused, she absentmindedly followed behind him. She almost tripped on the soft rug they stepped over prompting Eren’s hand to collide with her shoulder, keeping her in place. The gang joined the old man and his family and friends but Mikasa was lost in contemplation. She wasn’t present in reality, just lost in the dense forest of her emotions.

What did he mean? _What am I to you?_ Once again, Eren's words echoed over and over again in Mikasa’s brain. She couldn’t push them out, but it's not like she was really trying to. There was no way repressing this was going to work anyway, she just needed it to take its course.

She watched Eren pick up the tin can full of that strange liquid and down it in a single go. The rest of the crew gawked in awe as well, and soon enough downed their own drinks.

 _Fuck it, why not._ She threw her glass back.


	2. I Hope This Night Makes Up For Time Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa was awake now, her eyes fixated on his. She still couldn’t think straight and her head felt like Hange’s executioner from hell.  
> Through all that, though, she knew one thing for certain.  
> She knew that when she looked at Eren, the entire world disappeared around them. She knew that when she felt his presence, her troubles ceased and fortune smiled upon her. She couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or the nerves making her blush so vigorously but she honestly did not care at this point. She watched him blink slowly. His eyes were getting heavy. When he re-opened them, his glossy emerald orbs met her gaze. They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, visually reaching into the other’s soul until Eren broke the silence.  
> “You really should get some rest.” He told her; his eyes fixed rigidly on hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 of 2!  
> I was feeling pretty angsty while writing this whole thing, it was quite therapeutic to get it out. Not sure why these two affect me so deeply but oh well. Enjoy! Leave a comment if you enjoyed it or think of a way I can improve my writing!

**H** ours passed by as the entire squad and their loving hosts partied into the early hours of the morning. Laughing, singing, poorly attempting to sing in different languages, the team had more fun than they’ve had in years. Who knew when they would ever be able to have a night like that again? Possibly never. As such, they made the most of it.

Even through a drunken snooze, Eren could still hear Sasha puking her brains out right behind him coupled with Connie snoring so loud, one would think he doesn’t have a nose. He opened his eyes and blinked slowly. Everything spun around him and his vision blurred heavily. He took a moment to regain his composure, a small smile sneaking onto his mouth as he chuckled softly.

_At least the nine titans can get drunk too. Or at least mine can._

He felt a soft tickle behind his right ear and instinctively reached his hand up to scratch at it when he hit what felt like another hand. This one definitely wasn’t his. Just then, he felt the stiff pressure of something resting heavily against his temple.

Eren did his best to crane his eyes to his right side and could barely make out the silhouette of a person lying beside him. He breathed in. There it was. Hibiscus. Vanilla. Honey. The elixir of fragrances swirled through his nostrils. If there was one thing Eren Yeager never grew weary of, it was that intoxicating aroma.

He tried his best not to move his head because, well frankly, he loved that Mikasa was leaning on him and his giddy teenage self was ecstatic at the notion. Nevertheless, he had to see her. He raised his head and swiveled his neck towards her restful frame. His cheeks lit ablaze in a fiery fury of crimson and his legs went rigid. He tensed up, his leg straightening out to full extension summoning a hearty groan from underneath his knee.

Eren looked up to see that goofy horseface wedged between the back of his knee and the ground. He grinned softly again and lifted his leg, allowing Jean some peace.

He sat up and tried to wipe the booze from his gaze but no matter how hard he rubbed his eyes, that drunken wooziness never faltered. Once more his stare fell to the girl sleeping directly beneath him. He wanted nothing more than to slide her hair out of her face and watch her sleep just as he did all those years ago. His hand crept towards her cheek but he stopped himself. He couldn’t do it.

With a defeated exhale, he forced himself to his feet and walked out of the tent, careful to dodge his comrades and their new friends.

He shivered. It was significantly warmer in the tent around all those people. The wind bit his exposed ankles, shooting up his pant leg. It hadn’t been this cold before. Maybe the consistent ocean squalls were affecting the weather but whatever it was, he found himself chattering from top to bottom. He didn’t know what compelled him to get up and walk out of there and that troubled him. His heart was saying _stay stay stay_. Stay there. Stay surrounded by the people that love him and that he loved so dearly. _Stay with her_.

Despite his heart’s adamant protests he continued to trek further away from the camp, drifting along aimlessly like…

_Like a titan with no humans around._

This was it. Eren had reached the breaking point. He shuddered at the thought. It was time for him to go; to fulfill his duty. He couldn’t antiquate how much he lacked the desire to follow through with this plan and he cursed himself for being the one fated to execute it. He just wanted to go back to the safety of his home. He thought about it for a moment, and realized he didn’t really have a house or place he called home. Home was wherever Mikasa was. Home was wherever Armin was. Home was wherever his people were. Connie. Jean. Levi. Hange. Historia. Sasha.

_Oh Sasha._

Eren swallowed hard. He could never go back home.

Not in this lifetime anyway. He stumbled forward and tried to keep his balance as he walked. He didn’t even know where he was going but it didn’t matter. That was a problem for sober Eren. Just as he reached the foot of the hill the camp was situated on; he felt a sharp tug at the back of his collar. It felt unreasonably heavy, like someone was bearing their full bodyweight on the collar of his suit coat.

“Ah! What’s- who?!” he struggled to break free of the thing anchoring him in place. He twisted around grabbing at whatever was holding him down, coming in contact with a surprisingly tough forearm. Eren gripped it tight and pulled forward corralling both the forearm and its bearer directly into his torso. It took a moment to realize there was an actual person leaning into him. A fist gently beat against his chest rhythmically while he held that forearm in place. He stood there; eyes wide like a deer in candlelight.

“Mikasa? What are you-” he tried to get out before she cut him off.

“You not s’pose to be outside by alone yourself” she slurred. “Is dangerous.”

“Mikasa chill, you can barely stand up, how the hell did you make it all the way here on your own? Stop hitting me!” he demanded.

“Eren, stop running away is scary outside.” Mikasa garbled while still punching the brooding boy’s chest. “Stop running away.”

Eren grabbed her arm and flung it over his shoulders. Clearly, she couldn’t make it much further on her own.

“Come on, let’s at least go back to Ms. Kyomi’s place and get you in an actual bed.” He tried to help her walk but he felt her go limp shortly into their journey.

“Shit she’s heavy!” He stopped dead in his tracks hoping she didn’t hear him. He blushed again but thankfully Mikasa had passed out cold. He hoisted her up bridal style and kept walking. “If I tell myself my legs won’t buckle, they won’t buckle!” he whispered to himself, clearly struggling to keep moving forward.

Eren staggered forward through the gate of the Azumabito residence and managed to open the doors without dropping the girl dangling her head over his arms. Not for lack of trying, but he finally stumbled and lost his balance, luckily landing ass first on a bench in the main foyer.

“Damn, Mikasa you’re literally made of rocks.” He spat sarcastically. “Well, sorry in advance, but I gotta get you up those stairs somehow.” Eren hoisted the woman over his shoulder bracing her lower thighs and back and grudgingly started climbing the 3 flights of stairs to the quarters that Ms. Kiyomi had generously laid out for them.

After what seemed like an eternity, Eren finally reached the top of the staircase and limped sluggishly towards the “honored guest” room that Ms. Kiyomi had designated for Mikasa. Being a member of the Azumabito clan came with some more than luxurious perks though Mikasa tried to deny accepting the room, saying she didn’t need to be wined and dined and was perfectly comfortable sleeping wherever she needed to. Fortuitously for Eren, he really didn’t care and since that room was the first room from the stairs, he didn’t waver in marching straight to the first bed he could find. He turned the doorknob with his free hand and the abnormally large door creaked open loudly causing Mikasa to stir while in his grasp.

The room was cavernous with beautiful chandelier that glinted in the moonlight emanating through the single pane windows, a large wooden wardrobe, overtly intricate vanity and enormous mirror. A bed big enough for all of Levi squad lay situated in back center of the room against the wall.

“Hey where did the-did the t-t-tent people go? Do they have any more of that-” she hiccupped before trying to finish her sentence. “…That red stuff?” she groaned incoherently.

“Nope. We're back at Ms. Kyomi’s. It’s bed time.” Eren flung her onto the massive bed and stripped the covers out from underneath her. He removed her coat and his hand brushed past her hair. Mikasa’s face was flushed and red and her head was warm to the touch.

“Guess we know I can beat you at one thing at least. I drank you under the table.” He chortled softly as he spoke but immediately tensed his entire body as inevitable certainty sunk in once again. Eren’s eyes fell and his head hung low. He reached forward caressing Mikasa’s face within the confines of his palm and stroked her cheek with his thumb. He tucked her underneath the blanket and secured it neatly.

“Sleep well, Mik. Goodnight. Goodbye.” He couldn’t get the words out as some unwanted activity began to weave its way into his tear ducts once again.

Eren rose from the bed and trudged towards the door. His heart was screaming and his head throbbed. Just what the hell was he about to do? No matter how many times he had to remind himself that he was doing this to protect his people, the nagging urge to give in and give up never faded. Walking towards the door felt like trying to run through knee-deep mud. Just as his hand reached the doorknob, Mikasa yelled.

“Shoes!” she shouted.

Eren looked back, thoroughly confused.

“What?” he asked.

“Shoes! I don’t like sleep time in shoes!” her voice was getting louder and Eren panicked. He rushed back to her side and covered her mouth with his hand.

“Mikasa stop, you’re going to wake the whole house!” he whispered violently.

“Shoes.” Her tone softened.

Eren groaned. “Fine. But then go to sleep, god it’s almost 4:00.” He was still drunk too so trying to get her feet to stop kicking while he attempted to remove her shoes proved more than difficult. “Hold still, stupid!” He struggled to unbuckle the straps of her heel and after a moment of fidgeting, seemed to give up.

“Fuck it.” He muttered under his breath before grabbing the heel of the shoe and flinging it off by force.

The first one came off pretty easily but the second one met with the force of a full Ackerman kick and went careening into the wall next to them. The loud thud seemed to echo through the entire residence.

“Ssh!” Eren shushed her again. “Mikasa stop, you’re belligerent!”

She rolled over in the bed so her stomach lay flat against the sheets and continued to roll until she hit the other side of the bed. She managed to flail one arm out from underneath her and sloppily pat the empty space next to her.

“Mikasa, what are you doing?” Eren grew mildly concerned. He’d never seen her in a state like this before and he didn’t know whether she was truly in need of medical care of she just needed to sleep it off. She continued to pound the empty side of the bed with her entire arm.

“Come.” She huffed.

“What? I’m still dressed in my suit, I gotta go Mikasa. Get some rest.” He wanted nothing more than to crawl into that bed with her and drift off together. He ached for it. He yearned for the comfort and safety of his head interlocked into the crook of her neck before letting sweet sleep consume him.

“Please, Eren.” She implored. She sounded genuinely desperate, as though her life depended on that boy choosing to lie down next to her.

Eren clamped his eyes shut and growled quietly. He should just get up and leave. He knew the consequences of what she was asking him to do, and he knew he can’t afford to fall this far off the path set for him. He had seen it all. Every outcome, every method, every single maddening, heart breaking thing that he’ll have to do in the coming months.

He just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say no.

“Fine. Hold on, let me at least go get out of these clothes.” He relented. His head hung low as he slogged across the room, closing the door behind him.

_What have I done?_

* * *

**M** oments later, Eren returned in his tried and true cotton cardigan, tunic and pant set. Despite being drunk and irrefutably conflicted, he was appreciative that he was able to feel some physical comfort by dawning these trusty garments.

Mikasa lay heavy and still on the bed, breathing evenly and… quite loudly. Eren still had the chance to do what he needed to. He had to get up and go before it was too late.

Resistance was futile. He’d fully given in and there was no turning back from this now. He tip-toed to the bed and peeled back the covers, starting to climb in warily so as not to wake his loud-mouthed companion. He settled in and shuffled around, trying to find a comfortable position as he felt two unbelievably powerful arms wrap around his bicep and pull tautly in their direction. He looked over to see her clutching his arm in a death grip.

This was the last straw.

He threw everything out of his head. Every thought, every premonition, every future memory was gone. Tossed aside like trash.

All he saw was her. He smiled wide. A true smile that stemmed from real happiness; not from any sweet sorrow or feigned enthusiasm.

“We haven’t done this since we were kids and you’d come in my room scared out of your mind.” He said. Eren rolled onto his side, moving her arms out of the way. Mikasa followed suit, spinning in the same direction. She slid closer to him, basking in the plush warmth of his aura against her bare back. He felt the curves of her figure line up with his own as she grabbed his arm once again and draped it over her side. He blushed furiously as his fingers brushed against the silky yet incredibly sturdy skin of her abdomen. It was cold.

“Mikasa! Where are your clothes!” he exclaimed. “What did you do with them!”

“It was hot.” She mumbled sleepily.

His arm still lay swathed over her torso.

“What the hell are you talking about your body is freezing!” The shade of red on his face bled darker by the second as he hurriedly removed his arm from her clutches. The heat radiating from his face was a stark contrast to her iciness that enveloped her body.

“Come on, please put this on.” Eren sat up and removed his cardigan, trying to hand it to her.

“But hot!” she grumbled.

“Mikasa, you’re basically naked! Put the damn cardigan on before I put it on you.” He demanded.

Mikasa groaned in defeat as she lifted herself up onto her elbow and begrudgingly placed her arm within the cardigan sleeve. She fumbled the rest of it on and crashed onto the bed again.

“Mmh.” She snuggled into it. “It’s yours.” She said, pulling the collar close, taking in the hints of timber and sandalwood laced within the stitching. She was content.

“Good, now please go to sleep.” Said Eren. He situated himself back underneath the thick duvet and propped his head up on his hand. His eyes traveled up and down Mikasa’s back. He scanned the bows of her figure intently and couldn’t help but stare in awe. She was a goddess in every which way.

Just then, she turned to face him, rolling far too close as their bodies collided. He felt her warmth radiate through his veins and into his blood stream, kickstarting his heart to hyper speed.

_Guess she’s not cold anymore._

He let his head rest against the pillow and slid his arm underneath it. His heart was beating out of his chest. The space between them closed rapidly, each of them folding into one another.

Even in the dark, he found himself admiring those delicate rosé tinted lips, lightly parted but still touching ever so slightly. Thoughts of how soft they were trickled into his head. He desperately wanted to know what they felt like against his, imagining a luscious cloud enveloping his mouth, sweet and so enthralling, he’d be unable to pull away. He vexed himself silently for thinking this way. After all, she was just his family as she so eloquently put it earlier that evening.

* * *

**M** ikasa was awake now, her eyes fixated on his. She still couldn’t think straight and her head felt like Hange’s executioner from hell.

Through all that, though, she knew one thing for certain.

She knew that when she looked at Eren, the entire world disappeared around them. She knew that when she felt his presence, her troubles ceased and fortune smiled upon her. She couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or the nerves making her blush so vigorously but she honestly did not care at this point. She watched him blink slowly. His eyes were getting heavy. When he re-opened them, his glossy emerald orbs met her gaze. They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, visually reaching into the other’s soul until Eren broke the silence.

“You really should get some rest.” He told her; his eyes fixed rigidly on hers.

Mikasa’s expression grew somber and melancholy. She lamented over her words from earlier. She knew damn well he wasn’t just “family” to her; she just couldn’t admit it to him. She couldn’t admit it to herself for that matter. Perhaps she willfully chose to ignore what she felt in fear of the looming threat of untimely death cast over all of them, or perhaps she was purely oblivious before now. But the way he was looking at her brought out something strong within her. She felt safe with him here. She felt confident. That, coupled with the alcohol offered some much-needed courage.

“Eren.” She was trying hard to sound sober, attempting to stifle the effects of the all the wine she consumed.

“Hmm?” Eren inquired.

“Why do you… always leave?” she asked. Her voice was tinged with grief that made his entire body ache. “Why are you so quick to run away from me?” she continued.

Eren swallowed hard. He had absolutely no response. He supposed this was payback for him catching her off guard just a few hours ago.

“I don’t run away from you. I just don’t want you or anyone else getting hurt because of me.” He replied. He knew that was complete bullshit and he knew that she knew. What else was he supposed to say? _Oh yeah, I saw the future and if I don’t leave, you’re all going to die._ Like hell.

Mikasa averted her gaze from his and sheepishly spoke once more. “Earlier you asked me…” she hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath. “You asked what you were to me.”

Eren froze. His lungs constricted and he felt like he was being crushed by Reiner all over again.

 _Here we go._ He thought.

Panic burst through his core and out through his extremities. He couldn’t move, he just sat there like a bear caught in a trap; completely immobilized.

“Mikasa, I-” he began.

“I’m sorry.” She cut him off.

_Here it comes._

She cupped his face with her hands. They felt like silk brushing against his cheeks as he subconsciously leaned into her embrace. Her touch was angelic upon his skin, her fingers wrapping around the contour of his jaw.

“Eren.” She paused.

“You are my everything.”

Eren’s eyes went wide with shock and his mouth went dry. He was utterly speechless. He knew this was a bad idea but he didn't know it would be this bad.

“Huh?” it was Eren’s turn to be flabbergasted. He tried to swallow but his mouth was so baron, nothing happened. He felt her stare meet his face, unable to conceal the complete astonishment his expression displayed. Her striking rosy lips perked into a small, tender grin, sending shockwaves of pure electricity through every fiber of his existence.

He involuntarily trailed his hand down Mikasa’s arm, moving towards her face. He wiped the puddle of tears flooding underneath her obsidian irises with his thumb.

“You are the light in my darkness. You are the stars that guide my way. Eren, you are my home.” She spoke with such fervor. Her smile never faded.

The only time Eren’s ever heard her sound like this is when they thought they were going to die at the hands of the smiling titan. He couldn’t believe the words funneling through his ears. He didn’t know what to say.

“It’s you. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you.” She went on. “Nothing is going to change that.”

He felt his eyes begin to sting as his tear ducts pushed into overdrive. This was so hard. His fate was set from the beginning and yet she managed to throw a titanium wrench into his self-proclaimed destiny in a matter of seconds. How could he let this happen?

At that moment, Eren broke. He erupted into hysterics, crying furiously and without any restraint. He was beside himself.

Mikasa’s smile vanished and she did the only thing she could think to. Her arms coiled around his neck and drew him close. She held him tight as he wept. “It’s okay. Let it out.” She comforted through her own tears and muffled sobs.

Eren’s arms snaked around the small of her back and enfolded her securely. Mikasa felt his fingers clutch full handfuls of the cardigan he gave her, holding on for dear life.

Their sorrow seemed to merge as their embrace liquefied them into each other, holding their position without uttering a word. Their desperate cling to one another is all either of them needed to say.

After a few minutes, Eren managed to calmed down. He pulled apart from the love of his life and gathered himself. Nothing was going to change and he once again forced himself to accept that. He decided to give himself this night. He decided to let all of it go, just for the rest of the night. No more death, no more destruction, no more pain. He just wanted to feel her. He wanted to feel her feel him. He just wanted her. He lowered his head back toward her and gently touched her forehead with his own. Her breath was warm on his face, quivering slightly from her own cries.

“Hey.” He said. “That scarf I gave you.” He grinned warmly before continuing. “Why do you always keep it with you?” he asked.

Mikasa blinked and pondered before responding. “It keeps me safe. It keeps you close even when you’re not. It’s never left my side, since the day you gave it to me.” She said resolutely.

“It’s funny. All this time, that’s exactly what you’ve done for me. You keep me safe. You keep me close, even when I’m not. You bring me back. You’ve never left my side. I guess you’re my scarf.” He joked, desperately endeavoring to speak clearly despite still being thoroughly inebriated. “Thank you, Mikasa. My life is yours. A world without you in it is not a world I want to live in.” He lifted his chin and leaned forward, his lips pressing a light but passionate kiss in the center of her forehead.

Mikasa tensed immediately at the sensation of his lips against her skin, but relaxed, realizing that this is what she’s dreamed of for so long. She was finally close to Eren the way she wanted to be. She reciprocated his smile and for the first time, it felt like they were truly on the same wavelength. She buried her face into the curve of his neck as he embraced her tightly.

Slowly, they began to feel sleep begin to wash over them. The future laid out before them was grim, but tonight none of it mattered. All that mattered to them was each other. Just before drifting off into blissful rest, Eren caught Mikasa mumbling something.

“I'm home.”

Her words stretched across his dreams as they fell asleep in each other’s arms. He wasn’t going to let his destiny get in the way of complete serenity…At least for the next few hours.

* * *

**T** he morning sun cast a bleached glow through the large windows on either side of the bed. Natural light illuminated the room beyond what any lantern or titan alloy could do. Eren felt the heat of the solar rays piercing through the glass, penetrating into his back. His eyes fluttered open, slowly and with a drowsy delay. It took him a moment to determine where he was. His memory was hazy and he could barely keep his eyes open. He felt a strand of hair tickle the top of his lip and through that sensation, the events of the prior evening came roaring back to him. He took a moment to take it all in, speculating as to if the night was a just strange fever dream. He glanced down at the girl resting peacefully beside him, and he remembered. This was real. He remembered everything, including that this was goodbye.

He watched her sleep, mindfully observing the subtle contractions of her chest. The rhythmic rise and fall put him at ease. His eyes rose to her mouth. Blush pink, and painfully delicate, he yearned to close the gap between his lips and hers. His hand absently reached for temple, as his index finger trailed gently along the surface of her skin, slowly drawing her hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. He felt the same as he did all those years ago back in that medical unit. He was seeing her once again, for what seemed like the very first time. Lovestruck and smitten, he leaned close; close enough to feel the synapses firing between both of their brains.

“I’ll be right back.” He whispered.

Eren carefully rose from his position and crept out of the room.

He returned moments later, holding a battered piece of red cloth, folded neatly into a tight rectangle. He situated himself back into the bed, desperately trying to find the position he was in before. It was so comfortable. Like a puzzle that’s found its missing piece.

He weaved his fingers in-between folds of the scarf, catching each thread of the frayed crimson fabric. He brought it close to his face, clutching it tightly as it blanketed the bridge of his nose. He inhaled deeply. A rush of that mesmerizing scent filled his sinuses, seeping into his very center. Vanilla, hibiscus and honey. He would never forget it, as long as he lived. Who knows how long that’ll be?

“What’re you doing?”

Eren heard a groggy, barely coherent voice, muffled by the cloth that sheltered his face. He peaked his eyes out from underneath the scarf and peered out. Mikasa lay on her side, mildly perplexed and largely amused. Her shimmering steel eyes opened wider now as wakeful consciousness returned to her.

“It smells good.” he said.

She blinked once again and giggled quietly.

“Did you get that out of my bag?” she asked quizzically.

“No!” he denied. “Maybe.”

Mikasa snatched the scarf out of Eren’s hands, pulling it forcefully into a vicious embrace.

“Yeah well, it’s mine.” She responded playfully.

She too was having trouble believing what she experienced. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and when her vision cleared sure enough, he was really there. It wasn’t just a dream, or a vivid hallucination. He was really there, in the flesh; by her side. His goofy disheveled hair was enough to send Mikasa’s emotions into a frenzy. It fell over to one side of his head, leaving waves of deep coffee painted tresses outlining his prominent jaw.

Eren took a deep breath.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” he inquired.

He skillfully grabbed the exposed end of the scarf still nestled between Mikasa's tungsten strength forearms, pinching it between his thumb and index finger and raised his arm leisurely. It uncoiled and began to float directly underneath his grip. He brought it up just high enough to extend it past Mikasa’s head and cloak the back of her neck with it. With his other hand, he reached in the crevice between her neck and her pillow and pulled the end of the scar out from between. His finger gingerly brushed the side of her neck and his heart fluttered with nervous intrigue. He grabbed both ends on either side of her neck and tugged at them simultaneously, closing the gap between their bodies once again. His forehead made the lightest of impacts against hers and a surge of lightning flashed as they touched.

Mikasa smiled sheepishly and matched the force of his head against hers.

“I remember most of it.”

She laughed a little. God, he loved that laugh. It was so rare and infrequent and hearing it brought pure joy to his spirit.

“Some of it’s murky though. Did you…did you carry me here?” she blushed the slightest tinge of blood orange.

“I did.” This time he laughed. “You’re made of steel.” He jested.

Mikasa hit his chest playfully and he winced.

“Ah!”

“Oh, did I hurt you, I’m so sorry!” she wore mild concern on her face.

Eren laughed again. “Not just now, but last night you wouldn’t stop punching me in that exact spot and it’s definitely bruised.”

Mikasa was relieved. “Just heal it, Mr. Attack Titan.” She said wryly. She placed her hand where she’d just struck him and craned her neck slightly to level with his face. She watched Eren’s irises gleam in the sunlight. They reminded her of the vast blue-green tint of the open sea.

“Do you remember anything else?” he asked, breaking Mikasa's trance. A more inquisitive tone presented itself in his voice.

“I-” Mikasa stopped for a moment. She replayed the events of that night in her head. She had to make sure this wasn’t some fever dream that she’d wake up from, screaming and crying. She bit down on her lip and let the pressure and pain convince her. This was real.

“I remember.”

That’s all she had to say. Their lips inched closer together. It was as though as each pair had their own magnetic field, two poles being drawn towards each other with effortless ease and a complete lack of resistance. Heat rose into Mikasa’s cheeks as she inched closer. Her lips parted ever so slightly and suddenly everything made sense.

Eren leaned into her scent once again. He needed to feel it one more time. One last time. He continued to pull the scarf towards him bringing her neck with it. His breath wavered and he pursed his lips tightly to swallow a boulder before delicately relaxing them again, forcing them slightly ajar and eagerly impatient.

“I told you I’ll always wrap your scarf.”

He threw caution to the wind and jolted forward, colliding his lips into hers with heavy impact. His mouth pressed into hers, hungry and intense while inhaled deeply through his nose, desperately taking in the hypnotic lure of her aroma. His arms left the scarf and found solace wrapped around her subtle yet sturdy frame. This was everything.

Mikasa’s whole body tingled as she felt the weight of his lips crash against hers. She felt him wash over her like the raging ocean they set out upon on their way here. Her heartbeat felt like pulsing tidal waves as he claimed her mouth. She felt his love, his pain, his hunger, his anger. She felt everything he felt. He took over every sense and sensation she had, only allowing her to focus on how soft his lips were. Sparks coursed through her presence like a raging current as she slid her hands onto his face, cupping his neck and caressing his cheeks with her thumbs.

Eren broke for air. He melted at the sight of her.

“I love you.” He panted.

Time stood still.

Their lips met half way this time, striking each other’s with a passionate intensity. Eren felt as though they were the only two people left in this world. He didn’t care about anything else, he just wanted this to last forever. Mikasa bloomed like a moonflower in shining lunar glow when their lips touched. The force of his kiss against hers sent tremors through every nerve ending she had. She was experiencing feelings she never thought possible; a swirling giddiness enveloped her as she matched his fervor. The sweet surging blast of her taste sent Eren limp as he drowned into her. She tugged at his chocolate locks. They were entranced with one another.

After what seemed like an eternity, they separated for air once more. Eren placed a chaste peck against her lips once more.

“I love you.” She echoed.

He encased her in his embrace, her face buried deep into the crook of his neck. Eren held her tight as he clamped his eyes shut.

_You fucking idiot. What did you do?_

He knew what he’d just done was going to cause irreprehensible damage. Tears flooded his eye sockets as he desperately tried to hold them back. How the hell was he going to say goodbye?

He didn’t want to go anymore. He wanted to be with her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Love her. He wanted to be sitting atop Wall Maria with his closest friends, relaxing and raiding Sasha’s private meat stash.

_Impossible. Hard to do all that when they’re dead._

That’s what he kept telling himself anyway. He kept repeating it over and over again as if it somehow justifies what he’s tasked himself with doing. It doesn’t. It never will.

And yet.

Eren has no choice.

He leaned in for another kiss, his lips pushing upwards into hers. He felt her tongue slip neatly into the crack of his mouth as he desperately tried to archive her taste. He needed to remember what it felt like. He buried himself back into her warm embrace, saying something that seemed inaudible to Mikasa.

“What was that?” she asked curiously.

Eren put on a happy face.

“I said that, from now until forever, every time I close my eyes, you’re the one that I see. You’re my oxygen, Mikasa Ackerman.” He spoke calmly and genuinely. He really meant it.

Mikasa beamed euphorically for a moment. This was true perfection. This was pure pleasure. She’d never felt anything like it before, this blissful, joyous and absolute happiness. It was almost too good to be true.

Perhaps because it was.

Gradually, her expression morphed into somber, caring smile. The curve of her lips continued to straighten until she was nearly expressionless. She knew something still wasn’t right.

“And I will always be with you. No matter where you go.” She stated. She meant it, forcing those words through the doubt that restrained her.

With that, he held her. Just held her. One last time.

* * *

The conference was boisterous, littered with murmurs and outbursts from every direction. Conflicting viewpoints were flung through the air like mud from a horse’s gallop. She didn’t have much hope that these talks would heed any results to begin with, yet she still found herself growing increasingly concerned over the extent to which some of these conversations found themselves reaching to.

Mikasa glanced down the row of her seated comrades to see what Eren’s expression must be. She squinted, trying to make out where he was in the group of their friends but he was nowhere to be seen. Panic set in quickly as she scanned the entirety of the room. Her head swiveled fast, like a bird analyzing its flight path. Her gaze fixated on the main entrance to the conference room and her heart sank.

There he went; his brunette locks concealed mostly within his hat.

The door closed gently behind him.

The click of the doorknob was so quiet and yet it was all Mikasa could hear. It cracked her very foundation. Snapped like a twig.

He was gone.

And he wasn’t coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading taking the time to read this! I really hope you enjoyed it and I really hope I can find the inspiration to keep writing. I love the SnK/AoT universe as a whole and expanding on it just seems like the right thing to do.
> 
> Here's to more stories. 
> 
> -Sky


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